FauxLogism: A Project to Document False Words


Fauxlogism was an ongoing project to document false words. It appeared to be heading mostly in the direction of portmanteaus, but all fraudulent or phony words were acceptable.

It was a clever and entertaining website, especially for word smiths. I was disappointed when the site disappeared and then elated when I discovered the domain was available. I snatched it up with the goal of using its archived pages to recreate some of its content. The only downside is that new submissions can not be accepted. In other words, the prodject is now closed, but you are welcome to enjoy what is available via its resurrected content.

I remember the first time I found this site. I was sitting in a large hall waiting to be called for jury duty. I was tasked by my wife to find several local movers Baltimore vicinity with great reviews. The first one I found was called Von Paris Moving & Storage. It was family run since 1892! According to their website the same personalized local moving service and tradition for quality is still provided by the fourth and fifth generation members of the Von Paris family.The average experience of their drivers and service personnel is 21 years. Reviews were great. I liked the fact that they had optional full service packing at an additional cost where the Von Paris people pack everything in large and small moving boxes for you. They even arrange professional crating services for fine art and fragile wall hangings. DoOne, I said to myself and sent my wife an email. So there I am sitting in the jury room rather bored. It's been 6 hours with a lunch break. By now I am lollygoogling on my phone. And lo, I come across this site, fauxlogism.com, and I start reading the hilarious fauxlogisms that are posted. What a boredom reliever. SO thank you and I hope someone else will be entertained after reading some of these fauxlogism.

Why is any given new word a fauxlogism and not a **neologism, you might ask? There’s no good answer to that question so let’s just shuffle our feet a little, tug at our collars, and move on.

And yes, this is TOTALLY different from sniglets and Urban Dictionary. Don’t ask how, it just is.

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Words

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A

Alice B. Tolkien [al-is bee tohl-keen] noun -
1. a lesbian who writes fantasy novels.
2. elven lembas prepared with cannabis sativa. {thanks crazymonk}

Alphabetilately [al-fuh-bet-i-lat-ee-lee] noun -
1. the alphabet of philately.
2. an exhibit at the National Postal Museum.

Alphabetocracy [al-fuh-bet-ok-ruh-see] noun -
1. a form of government led by those whose names occur first alphabetically.

Argumentum ad Hitlerum [ahr-gyuh-men-tuhm ad hit-ler-uhm] adjective -
1. a response to an argument in which a position or factual claim is rebutted by comparing its progenitor to Hitler, or the progenitor’s reasoning to that of the Nazis; the process of proving or disproving the initial claim is thereby subverted.

B

Bananarcalepsy [buh-nan-nahr-kuh-lep-see] noun -
1. an acute strain of narcalepsy triggered by fruit. {thanks michael}

Bananarchy [buh-nan-nahr-kee] noun -
1. an absence of government triggered by fruit.
2.  a lack of order surrounding the production and distribution of bananas. {source, thanks nick}

Bananus [buh-ney-nus] noun -
1. the very last piece of a banana. {thanks ronald}

Bureautrash [byoor-oh-trash] noun -
1.  a derogatory term for bureaucratic administrators. {thanks jbg}

C

Carcolepsy [kahr-kuh-lep-see] noun -
1. a condition characterized by the tendency to become drowsy when driving or riding in a car.  {thanks zan}

Catastrophallic [kuh-tas-trow-fal-ik] adjective -
1. any misfortune, mishap, failure or fiasco resulting from an assertion, presumption or pre-conception by a male member of the human species. {thanks wordchef}

Comcastrophe [com-cast-truh-fee] noun -
1. a situation in which communications provider Comcast’s technology or customer service falters in a particularly egregious or spectacular manner.
pretty much any interaction with Comcast.

Comebacklement [kuhm-BAK-luh-ment] noun -
1. a retort, intended to be an insult, that unintentionally complements its recipient.  Example: “That salsa is hot.” “Your mom is hot.”  {thanks andrea}

Complify [kom-pli-fy] verb -
1. to make more complex or complicated; antonym of simplify.  {thanks Susan}

Computrification [kuhm-pyoo-tri-fi-ca-tion] [fauxdio2.jpg] noun -
1. being lulled into a petrified state by the Medusa-like glare of a computer monitor.
2. the increasingly obvious and malodorous smell of a computer programmer during a lengthy session of code-writing, or a particularly stressful game of Bioshock. {thanks Ben Lee and Lily Chumley}

Confluge [kuhn-flooj] verb -
1. to mix two or more things together. {thanks austin smusz}

Craicwhore [krak-hohr] noun -
1. a prostitute addicted to Irish culture and nightlife. {more info} {thanks crazymonk}

Crucifixation [kroo-suh-fik-sey-shuhn] noun -
1. a preoccupation with all things related to Jesus, particularly his storied death and resurrection. {thanks jbg}

Cumulolingus [kyoo-myuh-loh-ling-uhs] noun -
1. erotically appearing, sexy little clouds. {near fauxmophone of cumulomingus} {thanks liz}

Cumulomingus [kyoo-myuh-loh-ming-uhs] noun -
1. Erratically appearing, jazzy little clouds. {thanks jon may}

Cuspador [kuhs-puh-dawr noun -
1. an adventurer, typically from the 16th century, who exists on the cusp of many things.

D

Dreadhawk [dred-hawk noun -
1. a hairstyle consisting of dreadlocks shaped into a mohawk.

Dreamember [dreem-em-ber] verb -
1. the attempt of remembering a dream at the moment between waking and dreaming. {thanks syndallas}
2. the unfortunate act of remembering an event that occurred in a dream, but failing to recognize that the memory is not of something that actually happened in real life.

E

Estrogenetics [es-truh-juh-net-iks noun -
1. the study of the passing on of female sex characteristics. {thanks michael}

F

Falindrome [foul-in-drohm] noun -
1. a word or phrase that, because of its peculiar structure appears to be a palindrome, but cannot in fact be read the same forwards and backwards. {source: falindrome.com} {via waxy and beingfamous}

Fauxdio [foh-dee-oh] noun -
1. of, pertaining to, or employed in the transmission, reception, or reproduction of fake sounds.
2. a method of audibly demonstrating the pronunciation of fauxlogisms by utilizing the icon on a website exclusively dedicated to such fauxlogisms.

Fauxlogism [foh-lo-jiz-uhm] noun -
1. a false word, usage, or expression.
2. a website dedicated to such false words, usages or expressions

Fauxlogophobia [foh-lo-jo-foh-bee-uh] noun -
1. an irrational fear of false words. {thanks thebonobo} {similar to neologophobia, an irrational fear of new words, as in “the term *blogosphere* elicited such intense neologophobia that she covered her ears and screamed.”}

Fauxmophone [foh-muh-fohn] noun -
1. a fauxlogism that is pronounced the same as another fauxlogism, but differs in meaning.

Fauxtograph [fot-tuh-graf] noun, verb-
1. verb - the act of convincing someone that they are posing for a still photograph, when in fact their actions are being recorded in video form.
2. noun - the resulting video from such an action. {source and funny examples, though I’m a little bit miffed that they’re using my now trademarked ‘faux’ thing}

Fiansow [fee-ahn-sou] noun -
1. An overweight or particularly swine-like fiancé or fiancée.
2. Any pain or injury caused by a fiancé or fiancée.

Flagel [fley-guhl] noun -
1. a bagel that is slightly flatter than a traditional bagel. {image source}

Frankula [frangk-yuh-luh noun -
1. the offspring of Dracula and the Bride of Frankenstein. {thanks jbg}

Frescata [fres-kot-uh] noun -
1. freshly baked bread. 2. a strange marketing gimmick by Wendy’s. {image source}

Fritalian [fri-TAL-yuhn] noun -
1. a language consisting of foreign sounding words that might be, but probably are not, either French or Italian. {source: dunkin donuts}

G

Gigasaur [gig-uh-sawr] noun -
1. any computer, or computing device, that is more than one year old.  {thanks soto}

Googleplex [goo-gol-pleks noun -
1. a euphemism for watching movies on one’s personal computer.
2. near fauxmophone: goggleplex [gog-uhl-pleks] - noun - a movie theater where you stare with bulging or wide-open eyes at the screen.
3. near fauxmophone: googolplex [go-gol-pleks] - noun - a movie theater with 1 100 power screens.

Gynocide [gahy-nuh-sahyd] noun -
1. the mass killing of women. {source gloria steinem}

H

Homoner [hohm-oh-ner noun -
1. a homosexual adult who buys a house in a gentrifying, or soon to be gentrifying, neighborhood. {thanks poo poo}

F

Falindrome [foul-in-drohm] noun -
1. a word or phrase that, because of its peculiar structure appears to be a palindrome, but cannot in fact be read the same forwards and backwards. {source: falindrome.com} {via waxy and beingfamous}

Fauxdio [foh-dee-oh] noun -
1. of, pertaining to, or employed in the transmission, reception, or reproduction of fake sounds.
2. a method of audibly demonstrating the pronunciation of fauxlogisms by utilizing the icon on a website exclusively dedicated to such fauxlogisms.

Fauxlogism [foh-lo-jiz-uhm] noun -
1. a false word, usage, or expression.
2. a website dedicated to such false words, usages or expressions.

Fauxlogophobia [foh-lo-jo-foh-bee-uh] noun -
1. an irrational fear of false words. {thanks thebonobo} {similar to neologophobia, an irrational fear of new words, as in “the term *blogosphere* elicited such intense neologophobia that she covered her ears and screamed.”}

Fauxmophone [foh-muh-fohn] noun -
1. a fauxlogism that is pronounced the same as another fauxlogism, but differs in meaning.

Fauxtograph [fot-tuh-graf] noun, verb-
1. verb - the act of convincing someone that they are posing for a still photograph, when in fact their actions are being recorded in video form.
2. noun - the resulting video from such an action. {source and funny examples, though I’m a little bit miffed that they’re using my now trademarked ‘faux’ thing}

Fiansow [fee-ahn-sou] noun -
1. An overweight or particularly swine-like fiancé or fiancée.
2. Any pain or injury caused by a fiancé or fiancée.

Flagel [fley-guhl] noun -
1. a bagel that is slightly flatter than a traditional bagel.

Frankula [frangk-yuh-luh noun -
1. the offspring of Dracula and the Bride of Frankenstein. {thanks jbg}

Frescata [fres-kot-uh] noun -
1. freshly baked bread.
2. a strange marketing gimmick by Wendy’s. {image source}

Fritalian [fri-TAL-yuhn] noun -
1. a language consisting of foreign sounding words that might be, but probably are not, either French or Italian. {source: dunkin donuts}

G

Gigasaur [gig-uh-sawr] noun -
1. any computer, or computing device, that is more than one year old.  {thanks soto}

Googleplex [goo-gol-pleks noun -
1. a euphemism for watching movies on one’s personal computer.
2. near fauxmophone: goggleplex [gog-uhl-pleks] - noun - a movie theater where you stare with bulging or wide-open eyes at the screen.
3. near fauxmophone: googolplex [go-gol-pleks] - noun - a movie theater with 10^100 power screens.

Gynocide [gahy-nuh-sahyd] noun -
1. the mass killing of women. {source gloria steinem}

H

Homoner [hohm-oh-ner] noun -
1. a homosexual adult who buys a house in a gentrifying, or soon to be gentrifying, neighborhood. {thanks poo poo}

L

Lollygoogle [lol-ee-goog-uhl] verb, noun -
1. verb - aimless surfing of the web.
2. noun - a meaningless piece of information discovered while aimlessly surfing the web. {thanks wuyi}

M

Macro Golf [mak-roh gawlf] noun -
1. the game of miniature golf scaled up to the same size as traditional golf (e.g. life sized windmills and hundred foot clown heads would dot the course).

Mahaloha[mah-ha-loh-hah noun -
1. a Hawaiian greeting that both welcomes a visitor and thanks him/her for his presence.

Mandex [man-deks] noun -
1. a stretchy synthetic fiber used primarily in men’s athletic clothing.

Mandle [man-dl noun -
1.  a candle for a man.

Manyak [man-YAK noun -
1. the stub end of a sliced food product, typically a bread or a casserole. {see also bananus}
2. a person who eats said stub, usually by choice. {source jon may’s great grandmother, who used the term pejoratively and is suspected of secretly coveting the piece for herself. The word may be a Yiddish transliteration of the English word ‘maniac’.}

Michael Bayesian Filters [mahy-kuhl bey-zee-uhn fil-terz] noun -
1. a series of computer based filters, trained over time through an artificial intelligence process, which allow computer controlled motion picture cameras to automatically record high budget action sequences in the style of producer/director Michael Bay.
2. a method of filtering email spam that relies on producer/director Michael Bay to manually read and sort all incoming messages

N

Narcessertion [nahr-suh-sur-shuhn] noun -
1. a bold and opinionated statement that amounts to self-praise.
2. any assertion made by a federal narcotics agent. {thanks jbg}

Nevaucus [nuh-vah-kuhs noun, verb -
1. noun - a meeting of Nevada Democratic party members to select delegates to the state’s presidential candidate nominating convention.
2. verb - the action of attending a Nevada caucus (e.g., I will Nevaucus for Obama this Saturday).

Nimnamian [nim-nahm-ee-uhn] adjective -
1. something that is utterly foolish.br /> 2. a foolish thought voiced, or action perpetrated by, a nim nam. {thanks julie solomon}

Nonidage [non-id-ij] noun -
1. A person who looks nothing like their online picture. {exp. “So I met the guy from nerve.com personals at the movies and he was a TOTAL nonidage!”} {thanks athanata}

Nougatocity [noo-guht-aw-si-tee noun -
1.  a heightened yet fleeting state of accomplishment that makes you realize how unbelievably unmotivated you normally are.
2. one small part of a larger Snickers marketing campaign. {image source} {thanks michael}

O

Obamanxiety [oh-bom-ang-zahy-i-tee] noun -
1. an obamauxlogism defining the low-level, yet persistent feeling of a Barack Obama supporter who feels that despite Obama’s comfortable delegate lead and momentum, Hillary Clinton will still somehow manage to win the nomination. {thanks crazymonk}

Obamauxlogism [oh-bom-oh-lo-jiz-uhm] noun -
1. a fauxlogism constructed from the name of presidential candidate Barack Obama (e.g. barackstar, obamemtum, obamania, barackandroll, etc.).  {thanks crazymonk}

Octobird [ok-tuh-burd] noun -
1. a flying octopus. {thanks michael}
2. an underwater-dwelling, surprisingly intelligent bird.

P

Pandasaurus [pan-duh-sawr-uhs] noun -
1. a fearsome dinosaur covered with mottled black and white skin that ate mostly giant bamboo and the occasional very slow animal.
2. a breed of ancient Greek lizards of great size who escaped from forbidden boxes?

Peanutopolis [pee-nuht-op-uh-lis noun -
1. a state of mind making you feel very strong and powerful, almost mayor-like.
2. one small part of a larger Snickers marketing campaign. {image source} {thanks michael}

Phobocracy [phobocracy noun -
1. a form of government supported primarily by the general population’s fears.
2. a form of government whereby leaders are selected primarily on their ability to placate the fears of the populace.
3. a form of government whereby leaders are selected primarily on their ability to create and enhance the fears of the populace. {source michael chabon}

Picketiquette [pik-et-i-kit] noun -
1. the proper etiquette for an individual participating in a picket or protest.
2. the type of tourniquet used after a particularly violent protest.

Portman Toe [pohrt-man toh] noun -
1. a degenerative illness affecting stevedores’ feet contracted while performing heavy labor in the presence of saltwater and barnacles; similar to Coal Miner’s Lung.

Presidentrix [prez-i-duhn-triks] noun -
1. a female president. {also, presidentress}
2. a breakfast cereal consisting of fruit-flavored, sweetened, ground-corn pieces shaped to look like famous former American presidents.

S

Sexocrite [sek-soh-krite] noun -
1. a sexist hypocrite. {via lore sjoberg 1, 2 and paul southworth}

Squagel[skwai-guhl noun -
1. square bagels.

Stample [stam-puhl] verb, noun -
1. verb - to trample in a stampede.
2. verb - to attach a stamp with a staple.
3. noun - a sample of a delicious steak.

Stook [stook] noun -
1. a large hook with an exceedingly long handle used to remove poor performers from Vaudevillian style stages.

Sweatheart [swet-hahrt] noun -
1. An object of affection that requires an abnormal amount of hard work to keep happy. {thanks syndallas}
2. An unfortunate medical condition in which the afflicted person’s heart contains sweat glands, causing that individual to have odorous blood.

T

Techuliar [te-kyool-yer] adjective -
1. an unexplained or strange technological snafu.  {thanks jbg}

Tiramisoup[tir-uh-mee-soop noun -
1. a dessert bowl consisting of a small portion of spongecake and a large portion of liquor. Served with mascarpone cheese and chocolate shavings. {thanks michael}

V

Vleen [vleen] verb -
1. to physically lean hard and yet look innocent. (e.g. Lisa wanted to leave the party and let her boyfriend know by giving him a good vleen while smiling at his friends.) {thanks esau kessler}

Y

Yart [yahrt] noun -
1. a class of objects, such as paintings, sculptures or drawings, subject to aesthetic criteria when placed in a home’s front yard.

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neologism ne·ol·o·gism  n.
1. A new word, expression, usage.
2. The creation or use of new words or senses.
3. Psychology
a. The invention of new words regarded as a symptom of certain psychotic disorders, such as schizophrenia.
b. A word so invented.
4. Theology: new doctrine or a new interpretation of scripture.

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ne·ol′o·gist n. ne·olo·gistic, ne·olo·gisti·cal adj.
American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition. Copyright © 2011 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

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neologism (nɪˈɒləˌdʒɪzÉ™m) or neology n, pl -gisms or -gies
1. (Linguistics) a newly coined word, or a phrase or familiar word used in a new sense
2. (Linguistics) the practice of using or introducing neologisms
3. a tendency towards adopting new views, esp rationalist views, in matters of religion

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ne•ol•o•gism (niˈɒl əˌdʒɪz É™m) n.
1. a new word or phrase or an existing word used in a new sense.
2. the introduction or use of new words or new senses of existing words.
3. a word invented and understood only by the speaker, occurring most often in thespeech of schizophrenics.
[1790–1800; < French néologisme]

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